Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in L-Dawg's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
8:49 pm	Les temps sont dur, l'hiver perd dur I wish things were different. I wish my father would stop pretending he is a caring person when it benefits him. I hate knowing that my parents are going to devorce when my brother and I move out. And I hate to know that my brother and I are the only reason my mom is here. But at the same time it isnt. Its still 1950. It's all about how it looks on the outside. I' the same way. On the outside I am that girl whos already gotten into colleges, does well in school and has everyhting going. On the outside we are the family with the mini van. My parents spend the summer at the little league field gossiping and bragging. And thast all I am. Their bragging right. Its no secret my hatred towards my father and all that he's done to me roots from him using me as his political tool. I wish they would stop caring about how their parenting looks and start caring about what is right for me. What will make ME happy. My mom didnt let me apply to san francisco. She is under the impression i actually want to return here. I guess on some levels i do, but only to see my friends. because, if I didn't care I would have just graduated early and taken my Grandma's offer to move in with her. And I would be sitting in the sun now in Florida. But obviousy I care about some of you. I just wish, that i could get some help. I wish my relatives would help me, but they cant tell my parents how to raise me. They might as well just come up and tell the world how much more they care about Nick. My parents need to treat me like a child or fully treat me like an adult, Not give me the shit of both worlds. I gotta get out of here. I cant stop grinding my teeth and i still dont know why. i do try to ignore them, but its hard when whatever you is shit and never ever good enough. Perfectionism almost killed me once. It's going to kill me again. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls- Acoustic #3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
5:58 pm	Zen called. He's a kewl kid. We may get together this weekend. I think I'm hanging out with Dima tonight too. I hate euro IDs. But i like people, well some people. I like dancing. Today was good. I had 2 long block frees (a and G) xoxStraBerrYxox: sometimes men are kewl xoxStraBerrYxox: most times they are scum kashmiri blue: lol. amen sistah right now many men are scummy. But more men are kewl. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
4:51 pm	I wish somebody would hold me right now. And maybe tell me it will all be over soon. Current Mood: drained Current Music: STP- Plush accostic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 21st, 2003
8:22 pm	<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">You will die by:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Death Date:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">November 27, 2031</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Number attending your funeral?</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">77</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">How much will you leave to friends and family?</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">$2,037,404</td></tr> What will your Funeral be like? by rashock Created with quill18's MemeGen! (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 31st, 2003
8:12 am	GOODBYE LOVERS Last night couldnt have been more fun! Cass picked me up at about 8:30 and we got gas and coffee then Rachel and headed off to- where else- circle. We chilled there for a bit then cass, rach, Mitch and I go to get Seth and then go back to circle where Slava was...chilled for awhile longer dropped Rachel off, go back to circle then Slava says he can give me a ride home so at like 11ish he's like wanna go cuz he was wikid tired to we decide to go to the cove and swang and just chilled for an hour. Then I came home at 12 and since my mom locked the stupid lock she had to come out and help and then was like "how did you get home!" and blah blah blah. Then cass called at like 12:30 and we chatted! then at the lovely hour of 7:30 my dad came in my room to say bye and then was like- Mom wants you up (im sure shes tryign to make me get up so i will not have sleep so i cant stay out). So now I am up. My flight is at 12:20. Large parts of me really do want to go...but I am having so much fun. I made all these plans when i was so unhappy and hating everyone..but like...WELL I HAVE MY PHONE SO YOU ALL MUST CALL ME ON A REGULAR BASIS!!! xox, L (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2003
9:21 am	Opperation man hunt a success opperation man hunt was a success last night. As well as opperation get laura not sober (an amazing success). (Comment on this)
Monday, June 23rd, 2003
8:50 pm	Now she's bieng greatful.... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
8:24 pm	She's been back like 15 minutes and shes fucking screaming at me already. SHe told me to get rid of my dance stuff and i was like im sorry i was busy doing 2 loads of dishes and sorting, cleaning and folding 5 loads of laundry and tidying up after these slobs. That was what i spent MY summer afternoon doing. And they sat on their asses. "Who put THIS in the dishwasher.." fuck this. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE. I CNANOT LIVE WITH HER. Shouldn't she be GREATFUL i was the one who did all this shit? And then this afternoon, while doing HIS laundry, he was like, "do you know how to cook a steak?" and I was like, "I AM NOT COOKING YOU A STEAK!" All I have been doing at home in the last dfew days and I have done the most work. Next thing you know shes gonna say i havent been sacrificing enough for this family... Current Mood: pissed off (3 Comments |Comment on this)
3:54 pm	Eww i am on my fifth load of laundry. LAst night was fun! Laura and I went to mr klems bbqw, and i got to cook :) Then we went to Brighton Billiards and met cassie and erin. After we rented the sweetest thing and made a tour of chinese places around newton. After we went to ERins and met Boris. We cut and highlighted Erin's hair. It was fun cuz i did a full with foil :) then i slept over cassies. This morning i went to work then met rachel and shopped away my $$ now i am doing chores and reading. My mom comes home tonight...I hope everything is better....I dont want the rest of the summer to be like this. I leave in 8 days!!! (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
11:06 am	I cannot live with these people. Now that mom's gone they are slobs. I am living in utter filth. I bitched them out yesterday about them leaving their dishes in the sink when mom blaitantly tells them to put them in the washer. I cleaned after them once, now i wake up and the sink is overflowing. And i sitll have my own room to tackel. BUMS! Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2003
4:59 pm	guys suck. period. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 15th, 2003
7:35 pm	I wish i had some money. My mom was giving me shit about my allowance (ten dollars a week for vacuming a few times a week). She hasnt given it to me for so long and today was the first time I have asked for it because i actually need money. THen she bitches about gas. I went to ballet with gas, places its not like I could take a bus to and she couldnt drive me. I understand school cuz i could take the bus. THen she started talking about how this week we all need to stop thinking of ourselves. And when i said this was the first dinner i've had with them in weeks, she added, especially you. And i was fed up. ITs not like i could skip ballet. Or not go to school. She has been such a bitch about dance. I dont know if i will be able to take it next year. I cant afford to pay for it and i dont htink she will. If she pays for ballet and jazz i will risk having no life to pay for pointe and hiphop. I asked Pauline and she said i could get back on pointe..but inno. I dont ask for that much money. I buy most of my clothes, and food and stuff. All i asked for was dance and a new pair of ballet shoes cuz i didnt get any for 2 years and i danced through them so they have holes through them. I am scared to ask for a lot of things and spend my own money a lot, which is why i never have any money. And I hate sounding like a spoiled bratt, but its just hard sometimes. I feel like she wants me to quit the only thing that makes me happy. Well i am going to go study for math. bb (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 7th, 2003
3:01 pm	My search for happiness leaves me yet again sad. I'm just so sick of sex. Does everything have to involve sex? Nice people aer impossible to find. Everyone seems to want to know who i am seeing. And i feel stupid saying nobody. Not sleeping around has hindered a lot of things, and i know that ppl who just want me for sex is nto somebody i want to be with but...it still doesnt change it. Its hard being around ppl who have sex all the time. They dont leave me out, but its just different. IM just so sick of life. I need a new group. I feel bad feeling about what i am doing now. I dont want to look into the mirror and see a complete whore. Current Music: Hullucenegin- LSD (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 1st, 2003
6:25 pm	This is one of those times i need a bf. I am so damn lonely. And i am like on the verge of tears. I dont know, this was just an alluvasudden thing. i am all goosebumpy and need a hug. i need somebody to tell me that its all gonna be ok (even when we both know that it isnt). I really need to stop this.. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 25th, 2003
11:23 am	wow, last night was crazy (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 11th, 2003
3:47 pm	lubes86: Want to come shopping with me? lubes86: To H&M?> xoxStraBerrYxox: uh..i have a dollar lubes86: i really want to go sometime soon lubes86: damn you and yoru dollar lubes86: well then we can do something else fun lubes86: like touch rachel's boobies...haha xoxStraBerrYxox: yes xoxStraBerrYxox: haha! xoxStraBerrYxox: my mom owes me like 60, but im scared to ask her lubes86: well maube you can subtley hint it to her like this : lubes86: wait wait I shall play the scenario out fo ryou lubes86: Your mom: hello laura YOu: HI Mom your mom: how was your day at school Laura You: Well it was go-- so mom how about that 60 dollars you owe me--od. Your MOM: oh yes the money here you go laura...why look out the window who is that hot person stripping our there...why it looks to be....why its... You: Its LUba! Oh she is so sexy I must go and do her lubes86: and that is how the scenario will go (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
7:54 pm	So I ate terribly today. Blech. It wasnt like a full out binge, but like jsut gross. There wasnt anything that I wanted to eat. I thnk i'll just live off of fruit and pizza crusts forever. Not pizza, jsut the crusts. I had a really weird day cuuz although I did eat a bit, I was still constantly hungry. Like stomach hungry. Oh well. I am having some trouble breathing. My mom has yet to buy me clariton. SATS saturday, still havent studied isn't that just peachy? Yes, I know. ok. Life is better I got to spend creative writing on the swings and got credit. Feeling a bit better, I suppose. Just overwhelmed. yes. omg i think my fresca just cleared my headache. I think i really am addicted. Yesterday B block i was shaking. THis is pathetic. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
9:04 pm	I am so worried aobut my dance. I feel like I am being such a bitch of a correographer..and I am so worried that everybody hates my dance, and thinks im a shit dancer, which i am. I always feel so left out. They all have one significant other...and I am alone yet again. I am tired of this life...or lack of. I am dead, and she killed me. North killed me. Yet again. TOUT LE MONDE SUCKS! JE NE SAIS PAS QU'EST CE QUE JE DOIS FAIRE POUR ETRE HEUREUSE. I feel blank, and sad. "I wanna run away, never say goodbye, I wanna know the truth, instead of wondering why." Old behavoirs are slipping back. This is good. I need out. I need to drive away... go somewhere. Je vais partir. Current Mood: numb Current Music: Linkin Park- Runaway (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 26th, 2003
9:05 pm	Prom I'm thinking about not going to prom, and just getting my hair highlighted instead. On another note, I am back to this shithole! whopppdefuckingdoo! (Comment on this)
Monday, April 21st, 2003
5:55 pm	Today was intersting. Laura and I went on a 10 mile walk this morning. Note: From my house the library is four and a half miles, not two! My icon is the greatest thing ever. Twenty days till prom. today was day one of laura not being fat. It went well-ish. ok the end (4 Comments |Comment on this)