L-Dawg

Les temps sont dur, l'hiver perd dur

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 02:02:02 GMT

I wish things were different. I wish my father would stop pretending he is a caring person when it benefits him. I hate knowing that my parents are going to devorce when my brother and I move out. And I hate to know that my brother and I are the only reason my mom is here. But at the same time it isnt.

Its still 1950. It's all about how it looks on the outside. I' the same way. On the outside I am that girl whos already gotten into colleges, does well in school and has everyhting going. On the outside we are the family with the mini van. My parents spend the summer at the little league field gossiping and bragging. And thast all I am. Their bragging right. Its no secret my hatred towards my father and all that he's done to me roots from him using me as his political tool. I wish they would stop caring about how their parenting looks and start caring about what is right for me. What will make ME happy.

My mom didnt let me apply to san francisco. She is under the impression i actually want to return here.

I guess on some levels i do, but only to see my friends. because, if I didn't care I would have just graduated early and taken my Grandma's offer to move in with her. And I would be sitting in the sun now in Florida. But obviousy I care about some of you. I just wish, that i could get some help. I wish my relatives would help me, but they cant tell my parents how to raise me.

They might as well just come up and tell the world how much more they care about Nick.

My parents need to treat me like a child or fully treat me like an adult, Not give me the shit of both worlds.

I gotta get out of here. I cant stop grinding my teeth and i still dont know why. i do try to ignore them, but its hard when whatever you is shit and never ever good enough. Perfectionism almost killed me once. It's going to kill me again.

Tue, 14 Oct 2003 22:14:09 GMT

Zen called. He's a kewl kid. We may get together this weekend. I think I'm hanging out with Dima tonight too. I hate euro IDs. But i like people, well some people. I like dancing. Today was good. I had 2 long block frees (a and G)

xoxStraBerrYxox: sometimes men are kewl
xoxStraBerrYxox: most times they are scum
kashmiri blue: lol. amen sistah

right now many men are scummy. But more men are kewl.

Thu, 09 Oct 2003 20:52:00 GMT

I wish somebody would hold me right now. And maybe tell me it will all be over soon.

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 00:22:17 GMT

<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">You will die by:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Death Date:</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">November 27, 2031</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Number attending your funeral?</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">77</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">How much will you leave to friends and family?</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">$2,037,404</td></tr>

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock

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GOODBYE LOVERS

Thu, 31 Jul 2003 12:19:37 GMT

Last night couldnt have been more fun! Cass picked me up at about 8:30 and we got gas and coffee then Rachel and headed off to- where else- circle. We chilled there for a bit then cass, rach, Mitch and I go to get Seth and then go back to circle where Slava was...chilled for awhile longer dropped Rachel off, go back to circle then Slava says he can give me a ride home so at like 11ish he's like wanna go cuz he was wikid tired to we decide to go to the cove and swang and just chilled for an hour. Then I came home at 12 and since my mom locked the stupid lock she had to come out and help and then was like "how did you get home!" and blah blah blah. Then cass called at like 12:30 and we chatted! then at the lovely hour of 7:30 my dad came in my room to say bye and then was like- Mom wants you up (im sure shes tryign to make me get up so i will not have sleep so i cant stay out). So now I am up. My flight is at 12:20. Large parts of me really do want to go...but I am having so much fun. I made all these plans when i was so unhappy and hating everyone..but like...WELL I HAVE MY PHONE SO YOU ALL MUST CALL ME ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!
xox,
L

Opperation man hunt a success

Thu, 24 Jul 2003 13:21:57 GMT

opperation man hunt was a success last night. As well as opperation get laura not sober (an amazing success).

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 00:52:49 GMT

Now she's bieng greatful....

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 00:40:13 GMT

She's been back like 15 minutes and shes fucking screaming at me already. SHe told me to get rid of my dance stuff and i was like im sorry i was busy doing 2 loads of dishes and sorting, cleaning and folding 5 loads of laundry and tidying up after these slobs. That was what i spent MY summer afternoon doing. And they sat on their asses. "Who put THIS in the dishwasher.." fuck this. I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE. I CNANOT LIVE WITH HER. Shouldn't she be GREATFUL i was the one who did all this shit? And then this afternoon, while doing HIS laundry, he was like, "do you know how to cook a steak?" and I was like, "I AM NOT COOKING YOU A STEAK!" All I have been doing at home in the last dfew days and I have done the most work. Next thing you know shes gonna say i havent been sacrificing enough for this family...

Mon, 23 Jun 2003 19:58:29 GMT

Eww i am on my fifth load of laundry. LAst night was fun! Laura and I went to mr klems bbqw, and i got to cook :) Then we went to Brighton Billiards and met cassie and erin. After we rented the sweetest thing and made a tour of chinese places around newton. After we went to ERins and met Boris. We cut and highlighted Erin's hair. It was fun cuz i did a full with foil :) then i slept over cassies. This morning i went to work then met rachel and shopped away my $$ now i am doing chores and reading. My mom comes home tonight...I hope everything is better....I dont want the rest of the summer to be like this. I leave in 8 days!!!

Sun, 22 Jun 2003 15:14:15 GMT

I cannot live with these people. Now that mom's gone they are slobs. I am living in utter filth. I bitched them out yesterday about them leaving their dishes in the sink when mom blaitantly tells them to put them in the washer. I cleaned after them once, now i wake up and the sink is overflowing. And i sitll have my own room to tackel. BUMS!

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 21:00:05 GMT

guys suck. period.

Sun, 15 Jun 2003 23:45:02 GMT

I wish i had some money. My mom was giving me shit about my allowance (ten dollars a week for vacuming a few times a week). She hasnt given it to me for so long and today was the first time I have asked for it because i actually need money. THen she bitches about gas. I went to ballet with gas, places its not like I could take a bus to and she couldnt drive me. I understand school cuz i could take the bus. THen she started talking about how this week we all need to stop thinking of ourselves. And when i said this was the first dinner i've had with them in weeks, she added, especially you. And i was fed up. ITs not like i could skip ballet. Or not go to school. She has been such a bitch about dance. I dont know if i will be able to take it next year. I cant afford to pay for it and i dont htink she will. If she pays for ballet and jazz i will risk having no life to pay for pointe and hiphop. I asked Pauline and she said i could get back on pointe..but inno. I dont ask for that much money. I buy most of my clothes, and food and stuff. All i asked for was dance and a new pair of ballet shoes cuz i didnt get any for 2 years and i danced through them so they have holes through them. I am scared to ask for a lot of things and spend my own money a lot, which is why i never have any money. And I hate sounding like a spoiled bratt, but its just hard sometimes. I feel like she wants me to quit the only thing that makes me happy. Well i am going to go study for math. bb

Sat, 07 Jun 2003 19:08:44 GMT

My search for happiness leaves me yet again sad. I'm just so sick of sex. Does everything have to involve sex? Nice people aer impossible to find. Everyone seems to want to know who i am seeing. And i feel stupid saying nobody. Not sleeping around has hindered a lot of things, and i know that ppl who just want me for sex is nto somebody i want to be with but...it still doesnt change it. Its hard being around ppl who have sex all the time. They dont leave me out, but its just different. IM just so sick of life. I need a new group. I feel bad feeling about what i am doing now. I dont want to look into the mirror and see a complete whore.

Sun, 01 Jun 2003 22:28:45 GMT

This is one of those times i need a bf. I am so damn lonely. And i am like on the verge of tears. I dont know, this was just an alluvasudden thing. i am all goosebumpy and need a hug. i need somebody to tell me that its all gonna be ok (even when we both know that it isnt). I really need to stop this..

Sun, 25 May 2003 14:26:30 GMT

wow, last night was crazy

Sun, 11 May 2003 19:48:06 GMT

lubes86: Want to come shopping with me?
lubes86: To H&M?>
xoxStraBerrYxox: uh..i have a dollar
lubes86: i really want to go sometime soon
lubes86: damn you and yoru dollar
lubes86: well then we can do something else fun
lubes86: like touch rachel's boobies...haha
xoxStraBerrYxox: yes
xoxStraBerrYxox: haha!
xoxStraBerrYxox: my mom owes me like 60, but im scared to ask her
lubes86: well maube you can subtley hint it to her like this :
lubes86: wait wait I shall play the scenario out fo ryou
lubes86: Your mom: hello laura
YOu: HI Mom
your mom: how was your day at school Laura
You: Well it was go-- so mom how about that 60 dollars you owe me--od.
Your MOM: oh yes the money here you go laura...why look out the window who is that hot person stripping our there...why it looks to be....why its...
You: Its LUba! Oh she is so sexy I must go and do her
lubes86: and that is how the scenario will go

Thu, 01 May 2003 00:02:48 GMT

So I ate terribly today. Blech. It wasnt like a full out binge, but like jsut gross. There wasnt anything that I wanted to eat. I thnk i'll just live off of fruit and pizza crusts forever. Not pizza, jsut the crusts. I had a really weird day cuuz although I did eat a bit, I was still constantly hungry. Like stomach hungry. Oh well. I am having some trouble breathing. My mom has yet to buy me clariton. SATS saturday, still havent studied isn't that just peachy? Yes, I know. ok. Life is better I got to spend creative writing on the swings and got credit. Feeling a bit better, I suppose. Just overwhelmed. yes. omg i think my fresca just cleared my headache. I think i really am addicted. Yesterday B block i was shaking. THis is pathetic.

Wed, 30 Apr 2003 01:18:43 GMT

I am so worried aobut my dance. I feel like I am being such a bitch of a correographer..and I am so worried that everybody hates my dance, and thinks im a shit dancer, which i am. I always feel so left out. They all have one significant other...and I am alone yet again. I am tired of this life...or lack of. I am dead, and she killed me. North killed me. Yet again. TOUT LE MONDE SUCKS! JE NE SAIS PAS QU'EST CE QUE JE DOIS FAIRE POUR ETRE HEUREUSE. I feel blank, and sad. "I wanna run away, never say goodbye, I wanna know the truth, instead of wondering why."
Old behavoirs are slipping back. This is good. I need out. I need to drive away... go somewhere. Je vais partir.

Prom

Sun, 27 Apr 2003 01:07:38 GMT

I'm thinking about not going to prom, and just getting my hair highlighted instead.

On another note, I am back to this shithole! whopppdefuckingdoo!

Mon, 21 Apr 2003 21:57:14 GMT

Today was intersting. Laura and I went on a 10 mile walk this morning. Note: From my house the library is four and a half miles, not two! My icon is the greatest thing ever. Twenty days till prom. today was day one of laura not being fat. It went well-ish. ok the end

Fri, 18 Apr 2003 14:50:01 GMT

So last night was not fun.
I got home from ballet and i was gonna go to Alex's house. So i was going down Wolcott at like 8:30 and i ROLLED a stop sign. Needless to say, a cop came after me and gave me a ticket. My mom screamed at me all night. I hate being scared of her. SO now i'm not allowed to use my car for an undisclosed amount of time. I dont think it will be very long because she will wnat me to run errands and she will hate picking me up every day. But this morning she was extra nice to me because i think she felt bad for making me cry. My dad was super nice abou it and is trying to get out of the ticket. I was so scared of my mom though. I went to bed at like 9:30 and slept 11 hours. Infact, shes being so nice she is letting alex (yes,a boy), Shavon, and laura come over today. She even suggested all this food for me too cook for them. And shes letting me go out tonight with cassie, boris and jovan. So yes. Now i cant drive. ok bye

Random Lists

Thu, 17 Apr 2003 01:10:28 GMT

Things I am afraid of:
Falling
Commitment
Pain I cannot control
Losing Control
Gaining weight
rejection
I used to be afraid of elevators

Things i need to do before I die:
Sleep wiht someone, aka waking up next to them
Dance alll night long
explore a foreign country alone
take two trips around the world, some living extravagantly, and the second, buying a plain ticket and having 1000 dollars and working my way from place to place.
Go to everywhere in Europe
go to thailand
fall in love
live in Manhattan
Go parasailing
Sleep with somebody who doesnt speak english ;)
Go to a ball
Go back to the pancake house in prague, and "say hi" to petr

If I knew that I would die in two days:
I would tell everybody exactly what I thought of them
I would go to NYC and have a frozen hott chocolate at serendipity 3
I would dance allllll night
I would bury my pink suitcase

THings I want to do:
BE THE NEXT COCO CHANEL
Own a small country
Get a 5th avenue pent house

Sedars at my house

Thu, 17 Apr 2003 00:17:17 GMT

Dad: And now we pour a cup of wine for Elyjah, who drinks wine from everybodys house.
My brother: He must get very drunk.

Smuckah!

Tue, 15 Apr 2003 01:14:46 GMT

Today, Emmy and I looked hot in our homemade dresses. I had Orchesis, and then hiphop. Really, i do nothing but dance so stop asking. Tired as all. Thinking of wearing my new shirt tomorrow. Yah, life is boring. Thursady after ballet i think i may go to Fatty's and friday our road trip with hannah and cat to CT, and friday I'm going on a date with the russians and hottstuff C. NO DANCE TOMORROW WHO-HOO! I AM GOING SHOPPING! I WIN!

Sun, 13 Apr 2003 14:09:23 GMT

White water rafting was mad kewl! I really enjoyed it. Afterwards, Laura and I went to Dairy Queen for our first ice cream of the season. It was realyl sad though b/c we had to take separate cars. LAURA U ARE SLOWWWWW!!Then we went to the cove. I love the cove, and i can honeslty say iits been at least 6 months since i was last there. It was really nastalgic though. THe weather was amazing and i just swong. You can see the stars so clearly! It looked like Orion had a thingie!!!! Next I lead Laura through a crazy tour of Auburndale, then I went home, watcghd trading spaces and went to sleep.
I am so excited for vacation. As it looks, I might have only one french class this week :)! ALthough I really hate thursdays, I'm glad it ends on one so i dont have muchos testos. Well off to homeworkasize.